Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
What it's like after Mom's passing.
It has now been 2 weeks and with the funeral and the trip to Salt Lake behind me I am back in LA trying to get my life started again. I have been through a sea of emotions. I realize how I had shut her out as much as I could. Just doing what was necessary to see that she was taken care of. Her passing pushed her into the fore front. I spent some extra time driving home from Salt Lake and went though the Eastern side of Utah and Arizona. During the ride I contemplated her life, remembering what the early years were like when she struggled to take care of 6 children and my Dad. I remembered how she had this dissatisfaction about her always wanting something other that what she had. I see that dissatisfaction in myself and now have an understanding of where I got it. I hope that helps me to release it in my self.
I also have been feeling really sad. This too, was something my Mom lived with. The saddest thing is that for so long I didn't feel her. I failed to ask my Mom "what was her greatest regret in her life". I guess I didn't want to know the answer to that. She let us know all the time what she missed or wanted. That lingering dissatisfaction.
I have to apologize if this sounds harsh to those who knew her, but this is just my process. Please don't get me wrong, I loved my mother as a son should, I just didn't like her sometimes.
I also have been feeling really sad. This too, was something my Mom lived with. The saddest thing is that for so long I didn't feel her. I failed to ask my Mom "what was her greatest regret in her life". I guess I didn't want to know the answer to that. She let us know all the time what she missed or wanted. That lingering dissatisfaction.
I have to apologize if this sounds harsh to those who knew her, but this is just my process. Please don't get me wrong, I loved my mother as a son should, I just didn't like her sometimes.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
My Mom's Funeral speech.
Geraldine Ruth (Isenberg) Newey
The Isenberg’s emigrated from Germany and first settled in Pennsylvania. Mom’s parents Jesse and Blanch Isenberg left with their 5 children and headed West for California. They made it as far as Troy Kansas about 15 miles West of St. Joseph Mo. This is where the car broke down and that is where they settled. Mom was born there on April 30, 1922 the youngest of 6 children, five girls and one brother. Her mother died when she was only 6 years old and sometime later her father remarried and took mom and some of her family and headed to Sacramento Ca. She lived with them for a short while but did not get along well with her step mother. One day her step mother packed up Mom and put her on a bus and sent her unannounced back to Kansas to live with her sisters. They took her in and she was raised by them.
She loved her father and he died when she was 16 and mom was on her own. She graduated from Central High School.
Mom and Dad met on Mom’s 18th birthday. Dad worked at a place that a girlfriend of mom’s worked at. She told Dad that there was a woman he should meet. He called her up and mom said “I don’t even know you”. Dad talked her into going out with him. He shows up all gussied up and his hair all slicked down and he had on this off white suit and these weird square towed shoes… “She thought – what am I getting into.”
Dad was persistent and they were married on Jan 24, 1942. Dad had been in the navy before the war but 6 months before Pear Harbor he was discharged due to an inner ear problem. After Pear Harbor they were married and dad reenlisted this time in the Army.
One of my Dad’s favorite things was cherry pie. Mom told the story of how when dad was over seas she practiced making pie crust. She threw out lots of dough until she got it right. I have to tell you all of her life she made the best pies.
I was born on May the 8th 1944 while the war was still on. It was after that Dad was sent to Siapan and Guam. Mom and dad finally got to have their life together after the war was over. Dad had been trained as a photographer and mom and dad worked as a team taking pictures in night clubs. Mom would take the pictures and dad would work in basement darkroom making the prints that would be delivered to the partiers. Growing up I remember watching my dad make prints in the bathroom that had been turned into a photo lab, today I am a photographer.
We lived several places over the next few years until we ended up in apartments at Rosecrans Field Airport in St Joe. The Missouri river flooded in 1952 and we had to move out. I remember riding in a truck that my dad had borrowed from his boss looking out the window and seeing sand bags holding back the water while we got out. Mom had 4 kids and no place to live. They found an upstairs apartment and we all moved into that small space. Dad borrowed money from a member of the branch Dr. Benson and purchased a parcel of land on Miller Rd. He rented a tent and we moved into it. Mom stood by dad and managed the kids, while dad and members of the church built us a small 4 room house. We moved into that house with dirt floors. This was not her ideal but what was true for her was her family was the most important thing in her life. She made it work and the stuck it out eventually creating a home for 6 children.
What I remember most was that there was never enough money but somehow mom always had food for us and we always sat down as a family and had dinner together. We never went to bed hungry. She was determined that her family would have it better than she did a child.
We always had a garden and we raised the best tomatoes. But we never really raised enough so dad would go to the farmers market in St. Joe and buy bushels of vegetables for mom to can. I remember sitting around in the shade of the house and snapping green beans or husking corn. Mom would can enough for us to eat all year long. Picture this, the heat of Missouri in August, no air conditioning and mom working over a pressure cooker putting up green beans, corn or tomatoes.
Another memory I have was riding in the front seat of the car with my sister and a brother sitting between us. When ever she would have to come to a quick stop she would through out her right arm to keep us in our seats. Of course there was no such thing as seat belts in those days.
Mom worked at different times to earn extra money so she could have things she wanted. She worked at the Christmas tree ornament plant in St. Joe making bubble lights. But mostly she wanted to be a nurse. She had left nursing school to get married because you couldn’t be married and attend the school. Her sister Alice had become a RN and mom had to settle for being a nurse’s aid. For a long time she worked as a surgical tech. at Missouri Methodist Hospital and she loved this. By this time she had 6 kids, worked, made meals, took care of dad and kept the house going.
My mother loved her family, they were the most important thing to her. All her life she felt that when she was a child that she had been passed around from sister to sister or as she would say “from pillar to post”. She was determined that was not going to happen to her children. She made it work in spite of life not meeting her expectations. Both of my parents did the best they could to give their children a life with both parents there. What they got out of that was the family we have today. Thank you Mom for all you did for us.
The Isenberg’s emigrated from Germany and first settled in Pennsylvania. Mom’s parents Jesse and Blanch Isenberg left with their 5 children and headed West for California. They made it as far as Troy Kansas about 15 miles West of St. Joseph Mo. This is where the car broke down and that is where they settled. Mom was born there on April 30, 1922 the youngest of 6 children, five girls and one brother. Her mother died when she was only 6 years old and sometime later her father remarried and took mom and some of her family and headed to Sacramento Ca. She lived with them for a short while but did not get along well with her step mother. One day her step mother packed up Mom and put her on a bus and sent her unannounced back to Kansas to live with her sisters. They took her in and she was raised by them.
She loved her father and he died when she was 16 and mom was on her own. She graduated from Central High School.
Mom and Dad met on Mom’s 18th birthday. Dad worked at a place that a girlfriend of mom’s worked at. She told Dad that there was a woman he should meet. He called her up and mom said “I don’t even know you”. Dad talked her into going out with him. He shows up all gussied up and his hair all slicked down and he had on this off white suit and these weird square towed shoes… “She thought – what am I getting into.”
Dad was persistent and they were married on Jan 24, 1942. Dad had been in the navy before the war but 6 months before Pear Harbor he was discharged due to an inner ear problem. After Pear Harbor they were married and dad reenlisted this time in the Army.
One of my Dad’s favorite things was cherry pie. Mom told the story of how when dad was over seas she practiced making pie crust. She threw out lots of dough until she got it right. I have to tell you all of her life she made the best pies.
I was born on May the 8th 1944 while the war was still on. It was after that Dad was sent to Siapan and Guam. Mom and dad finally got to have their life together after the war was over. Dad had been trained as a photographer and mom and dad worked as a team taking pictures in night clubs. Mom would take the pictures and dad would work in basement darkroom making the prints that would be delivered to the partiers. Growing up I remember watching my dad make prints in the bathroom that had been turned into a photo lab, today I am a photographer.
We lived several places over the next few years until we ended up in apartments at Rosecrans Field Airport in St Joe. The Missouri river flooded in 1952 and we had to move out. I remember riding in a truck that my dad had borrowed from his boss looking out the window and seeing sand bags holding back the water while we got out. Mom had 4 kids and no place to live. They found an upstairs apartment and we all moved into that small space. Dad borrowed money from a member of the branch Dr. Benson and purchased a parcel of land on Miller Rd. He rented a tent and we moved into it. Mom stood by dad and managed the kids, while dad and members of the church built us a small 4 room house. We moved into that house with dirt floors. This was not her ideal but what was true for her was her family was the most important thing in her life. She made it work and the stuck it out eventually creating a home for 6 children.
What I remember most was that there was never enough money but somehow mom always had food for us and we always sat down as a family and had dinner together. We never went to bed hungry. She was determined that her family would have it better than she did a child.
We always had a garden and we raised the best tomatoes. But we never really raised enough so dad would go to the farmers market in St. Joe and buy bushels of vegetables for mom to can. I remember sitting around in the shade of the house and snapping green beans or husking corn. Mom would can enough for us to eat all year long. Picture this, the heat of Missouri in August, no air conditioning and mom working over a pressure cooker putting up green beans, corn or tomatoes.
Another memory I have was riding in the front seat of the car with my sister and a brother sitting between us. When ever she would have to come to a quick stop she would through out her right arm to keep us in our seats. Of course there was no such thing as seat belts in those days.
Mom worked at different times to earn extra money so she could have things she wanted. She worked at the Christmas tree ornament plant in St. Joe making bubble lights. But mostly she wanted to be a nurse. She had left nursing school to get married because you couldn’t be married and attend the school. Her sister Alice had become a RN and mom had to settle for being a nurse’s aid. For a long time she worked as a surgical tech. at Missouri Methodist Hospital and she loved this. By this time she had 6 kids, worked, made meals, took care of dad and kept the house going.
My mother loved her family, they were the most important thing to her. All her life she felt that when she was a child that she had been passed around from sister to sister or as she would say “from pillar to post”. She was determined that was not going to happen to her children. She made it work in spite of life not meeting her expectations. Both of my parents did the best they could to give their children a life with both parents there. What they got out of that was the family we have today. Thank you Mom for all you did for us.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Cleaning out my Mom and Dad's house
My Mom passed away on Sept 1st. My wife and I met most of my family in Salt Lake City Utah for the job of cleaning out the house and making the necessary arrangements for her funeral. We all meat today and cleaned out various parts of my parents house and went through their life time of stuff. Both my parents kept everything it seemed, but in that we found the most amazing family treasures. My dad had built my mother a cedar lined chest. It was buried in the very back of the garage behind all of my dads tools and stuff. The chest was the last thing well pulled from the garage and we found their most treasured things, among them were mine and my sisters baby clothes in blue and pink complete with booties and shoes, the bride and groom from my parents wedding cake, a Japanese flag from WWII and more photographs. We all worked together to sort through their life time of memories, pictures, papers and stuff. People complained that they kept everything, but turned out that was good thing. We found almost every greeting card we had ever sent them. We have boxes of photographs covering everything.We even found a newspaper announcing the victory of the war. Everyone did great and really worked well together. Wow what a job. But I must say it was much easier than I expected. We have more to do but we distributed their precious memories on to the 3 generations that were there. Tomorrow we have a private viewing and then on Thursday the funeral.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Who we love
Why do we love those who don't love us back? Actually they don't love us the way we want them to love us. I think that is a big part of the problem. We have a distorted view of what it is to be loved. When the people in our lives don't love us quite right we tend to go crazy. It's actually the going crazy that is the real hint that something is off in the way we want to be loved. It's really not "them" that is responsible for our grief, it's the way we perceive things.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Repeating Our Parents Mistakes
Are we really destine to repeat our parents mistakes? I say probably but not necessarily. Probably because most of us are not really awake to what we do and why we do it. What we saw in our parents could be construed to be normal unconsciously and therefore that is what we play out. Learn from our parents and don't repeat their mistakes.
As far as not necessarily, wake up and know who you are and seek help from those who have gone there before you. A lot of pain can be avoided if one asks for help. That's part of waking up, asking for help.
As far as not necessarily, wake up and know who you are and seek help from those who have gone there before you. A lot of pain can be avoided if one asks for help. That's part of waking up, asking for help.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Get Over It.
The power of "Get Over It" is amazing. We all have a story of what happened or what didn't happen. The story we tell our selves about what happen truly does determine the experience we have about the memory of what happen. If we could really get that shit happens, people are unconscious and don't know any better. If they knew better they wouldn't do the stupid shit that they do. Most people want to do the best they can they just don't know any better than where they are at the time.
Really the only way out of that abyss is to let go and to "Get Over It". If you can really forgive those that did what they did then you would no longer see it as a wrong. Forgiveness is the only way out, thus "Get Over It".
Really the only way out of that abyss is to let go and to "Get Over It". If you can really forgive those that did what they did then you would no longer see it as a wrong. Forgiveness is the only way out, thus "Get Over It".
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