Resentment

I had a major awakening this week. My wife and I have been going through our stuff which is a good reason to be in a relationship. Sometimes I think if your stuff is not coming up then your not playing hard enough.

I have a resentment that goes very deep and as I really look at it, it is very old. I think that the resentments that I developed as I grew up are still in place. I have noticed that I set things up with my wife so that those resentments stay in place. I may complain about things not being the way I would have them but I do the same things over and over and get the same results each time. More specifically, I know the things that will make my wife happy but I don't do them so that I can keep my resentment in place. I complain that if she would only do this or be that then I would be happy and feel loved. But I don't do the things that will allow her to really show up for me. Instead I do the things that reinforce the long lingering resentment. I think I am pretty connected and aware and yet when it comes to being really loved and feeling really loved that's a different matter.

What the resentment is doesn't matter. It was created out of a place that is different than today's. Yet I still keep creating the drama that will reaffirm that I am right. So I guess the lesson is to own my part in the drama as being my creation and when I do that I am empowered be responsible for what I have and for the results that I get. If I want to get different results then change the way I see things and the way I set things up. I think that is the only way to truly get different results. And when the results I am looking for is to be loved and feel loved there is a lot at stake.

Let me know what you think, I am open for suggestions.
David
Oh yes, I know this doesn't have much to do with Photography but it's whats up front right now.